When practicing live talk, some feeling started to come back to me. After junior years in high school, I cann't recall what exactly happened, but I started to avoid talking in public. I started to enjoy sitting in the middle of a class, being a watcher instead of one showing on the podium. Gradually, when standing in a crowd, I avoid standing in the front row. Psychologically speaking, there should be a turning point in my characteristic.
Well, but 7 years later, tonight, I rediscovered the fun of live talk: standing, talking about some international events or personal experience with a small notebook in hand. For a moment, I think I saw through the time tunnel, finding the girl who used to go up there, talking fast and fluently without anything in hand.
So the "me" has not faded away, instead, it hides itself deep inside of me, waiting to re-appear someday somewhere.
To know this is really comforting.
2009年1月17日星期六
2009年1月12日星期一
Bump into my past
Never assume I would bump into my past this way. I saw a past me, painful and depress. Luckily when one and a half year have passed, I found myself and my life different.
Never assume I would re-start this blog either, but suddenly in this noon with beautiful sunshine in HongKong, I feel like writing something in English.
The death of Adolf Merckle stunned me. And that's the reason I feel the need to write. Weird huh? Yeah, I know.
The first time I saw the name, I thought about two people, both German. Adolf Hitler and the current German councelor(well, how to spell it..) who I only remember as Merckle. Then after a lot of painful digging into the meanings of "short-selling" and "hedge fund", I finally got the whole thing straight.
Why suicide? And why in such a way? Well, forgive my shallowness. The most striking thing among all those incidents is the way he committed suicide. Place himself on the train track and let the train running over him? How brutal..It reminds me of the glorious death of Japanese that they tear their belly open.
And what is my feeling? Well, I've told u I'm shallow. So first of all, brutal. Second, how couragous should he be to choose such a fierce way to end his life when there are hundreds of ways to die. Third, is there any cultural factor behind people's choice of suicide? Finally, be careful when running something as risky as speculation.
Never assume I would re-start this blog either, but suddenly in this noon with beautiful sunshine in HongKong, I feel like writing something in English.
The death of Adolf Merckle stunned me. And that's the reason I feel the need to write. Weird huh? Yeah, I know.
The first time I saw the name, I thought about two people, both German. Adolf Hitler and the current German councelor(well, how to spell it..) who I only remember as Merckle. Then after a lot of painful digging into the meanings of "short-selling" and "hedge fund", I finally got the whole thing straight.
Why suicide? And why in such a way? Well, forgive my shallowness. The most striking thing among all those incidents is the way he committed suicide. Place himself on the train track and let the train running over him? How brutal..It reminds me of the glorious death of Japanese that they tear their belly open.
And what is my feeling? Well, I've told u I'm shallow. So first of all, brutal. Second, how couragous should he be to choose such a fierce way to end his life when there are hundreds of ways to die. Third, is there any cultural factor behind people's choice of suicide? Finally, be careful when running something as risky as speculation.
2007年3月9日星期五
more than furious
I've no idea whether English is a better tool to complain, all I know is I'm furious, or maybe, more than furious. The day I've been experienced is such a tragic that I can't hide my hatred of this city any more.
5:30pm, governess task finished, I went to the bus stop waiting for a 811. more than 15 minutes'wait in the roaring wind, an 811 finally came, but I was told it was a section bus, meaning it only covers a short distance without my destination. In other words, it means I have to wait another 15 minutes for a bus that covers the whole distance.
6:00pm passed. Another 811 finally came, without any available seat. The stop I'm standing was only 2 stops away from the original stop, meaning usually I could get a fine seat as my wish. Standing in a crowd of passengers, I stared at my image in the window glass, which was Pale, tired, and no expression. What's my happy index now if it's possible to measure happyness? I don't know. Five stops later, I got a seat beside the window and fell in sleep at once. When I woke up, we were already outside Renmin University. You must know how near it is from my school. Time then was 7pm. sharp and this story was far from the end.
We met with a terrible traffic jam. What was worse, the bus was undergoing the same jam-making process. Passengers packing with each other, the male conductor standing on something to make his head seen shouting "back off, back off, don't surround the driver", it was a total mass. While the bus stopped moving, sighs and complaints began to fill in the bus, at the same time, two horrible things happened--The mobile Tv started to broadcast Peking opera and a female passenger told her fellow loudly that when she was bored or had nothing to do she just listened to "Begging Buddha" over and over again, "for about 20 times, I will reach home", she said. All I could think at that time was, I hate this city abso-fucking-lutely. How can I survive here without these M and F words?
7:35pm, I got out of the bus, one stop earlier. Then I failed several times to throw half of my scarf back because of the crazy roaring wind. Cold, noisy, dirty, alone, why I have to put up with all these!? At that time I was standing right on the middle of a overpass, without too much thought I began shouting furiously, "this city and I are done!"
I've no idea how I could shout in public, but I know I'm really really tired of this city.
5:30pm, governess task finished, I went to the bus stop waiting for a 811. more than 15 minutes'wait in the roaring wind, an 811 finally came, but I was told it was a section bus, meaning it only covers a short distance without my destination. In other words, it means I have to wait another 15 minutes for a bus that covers the whole distance.
6:00pm passed. Another 811 finally came, without any available seat. The stop I'm standing was only 2 stops away from the original stop, meaning usually I could get a fine seat as my wish. Standing in a crowd of passengers, I stared at my image in the window glass, which was Pale, tired, and no expression. What's my happy index now if it's possible to measure happyness? I don't know. Five stops later, I got a seat beside the window and fell in sleep at once. When I woke up, we were already outside Renmin University. You must know how near it is from my school. Time then was 7pm. sharp and this story was far from the end.
We met with a terrible traffic jam. What was worse, the bus was undergoing the same jam-making process. Passengers packing with each other, the male conductor standing on something to make his head seen shouting "back off, back off, don't surround the driver", it was a total mass. While the bus stopped moving, sighs and complaints began to fill in the bus, at the same time, two horrible things happened--The mobile Tv started to broadcast Peking opera and a female passenger told her fellow loudly that when she was bored or had nothing to do she just listened to "Begging Buddha" over and over again, "for about 20 times, I will reach home", she said. All I could think at that time was, I hate this city abso-fucking-lutely. How can I survive here without these M and F words?
7:35pm, I got out of the bus, one stop earlier. Then I failed several times to throw half of my scarf back because of the crazy roaring wind. Cold, noisy, dirty, alone, why I have to put up with all these!? At that time I was standing right on the middle of a overpass, without too much thought I began shouting furiously, "this city and I are done!"
I've no idea how I could shout in public, but I know I'm really really tired of this city.
2007年3月2日星期五
I'm back to where I may hate forever
After 26-hour long and disturbing journey I'm nearly crashing down. With people from counties sitting around me talking full of joy, scenery outside the window changing from green to grey and pale white, I clearly felt my heart sinking and all those dirty words hitting my mind.
It's all over now. Sound of the train, texi, tutor and classmates has died away, I sat in front of the laptop wondering how this semester is gonna be. My roomates have all returned much earlier . Three years for the first time we reached an ultimately agreement that we're gonna take a job rather than receive further education(except I still have the HK plan) and Beijing is far from an ideal working place. Although this agreement does not mean much to me, at least I feel I'm not living among Beijing fans, which is rather an comforting thought.
Now that the grey life has begun. I'm never confident enough to make it colorful but I'll' try to make it seen less dark. So I decided to go out shopping. Some interpreting learning materials are in need.
It's all over now. Sound of the train, texi, tutor and classmates has died away, I sat in front of the laptop wondering how this semester is gonna be. My roomates have all returned much earlier . Three years for the first time we reached an ultimately agreement that we're gonna take a job rather than receive further education(except I still have the HK plan) and Beijing is far from an ideal working place. Although this agreement does not mean much to me, at least I feel I'm not living among Beijing fans, which is rather an comforting thought.
Now that the grey life has begun. I'm never confident enough to make it colorful but I'll' try to make it seen less dark. So I decided to go out shopping. Some interpreting learning materials are in need.
2007年2月17日星期六
I'm having an affair, or am I
In Everyone Says I Love You, Julia Roberts was trapped in an intended affair. He took her to her dream island, where they had snails, lay on the grass watching stars. He seduced her the way she always dreamed of, by gently blowing her bladebone. He seemed like an angel, turning all her fantasy into reality, but of course he didn’t dare to tell her he stole all her information from her psychological counselor. This perfect—except the cheating thing—affair ended because the gorgeous realized that reality is unavoidable,
No matter affairs take place in peach blossom land or in city of glass, fantastic life will finally hit reality and mostly crash down. I start to doubt whether I am having and affair right now with this city and these old friends.
The weather here is more than perfect, warm, wet. Spring has arrived on time, while snow is still covering Beijing. For a whole month, there is no financial crisis, no learning pressures. We held parties, wandering around shopping, having snacks from city to city. It’s too perfect to describe with words like romantic, passionate or marvelous.
But I can’t help wondering what reality should be. Reality means burdens that I can share with no one, future that I have to face courageous. People who walk out of peach blossom land have two choices. Some manage to keep it as wonderful past, while others spend whole life tracing the lost beauty. I, unfortunately belong to the latter. I mix dream and reality, always. Or you can say, I’m seeking a way to combine dreams with reality. I dream that my career is also my biggest interests, and it enables me to live in a city that owns distinctive seasons with all my dear old friends, it is able to fulfill all my weird desires as well. The only problem is, when it meets with reality it may crash down at once. This morning when I got up, a thought occurred to me, the combining dream and reality thought sounds like turning an affair into a real marriage. Well, what I have no idea is up to then, how much fantasy of the affair can remain.
It’s kinda confused—I planed to get every thing clear before next year starts, yet at present, maybe I should tell dreams from reality first.
No matter affairs take place in peach blossom land or in city of glass, fantastic life will finally hit reality and mostly crash down. I start to doubt whether I am having and affair right now with this city and these old friends.
The weather here is more than perfect, warm, wet. Spring has arrived on time, while snow is still covering Beijing. For a whole month, there is no financial crisis, no learning pressures. We held parties, wandering around shopping, having snacks from city to city. It’s too perfect to describe with words like romantic, passionate or marvelous.
But I can’t help wondering what reality should be. Reality means burdens that I can share with no one, future that I have to face courageous. People who walk out of peach blossom land have two choices. Some manage to keep it as wonderful past, while others spend whole life tracing the lost beauty. I, unfortunately belong to the latter. I mix dream and reality, always. Or you can say, I’m seeking a way to combine dreams with reality. I dream that my career is also my biggest interests, and it enables me to live in a city that owns distinctive seasons with all my dear old friends, it is able to fulfill all my weird desires as well. The only problem is, when it meets with reality it may crash down at once. This morning when I got up, a thought occurred to me, the combining dream and reality thought sounds like turning an affair into a real marriage. Well, what I have no idea is up to then, how much fantasy of the affair can remain.
It’s kinda confused—I planed to get every thing clear before next year starts, yet at present, maybe I should tell dreams from reality first.
2007年2月16日星期五
it all begins
I accidently ran into this blogger site although I have long before heard of it. I intend to use it as an English blogger and I am curious to find out how interest it is to write in another language.
This is the end of 2006 in lunar calendar, a period when I am so desperate to find my direction in future. Now I have a secret wish that I could become an interpreter, just because that is fun, and free as well. Wish this secret garden could offer some help to my little dream.
This is the end of 2006 in lunar calendar, a period when I am so desperate to find my direction in future. Now I have a secret wish that I could become an interpreter, just because that is fun, and free as well. Wish this secret garden could offer some help to my little dream.
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